Tokyo Tel Aviv

Ground breaking, unique, exciting, inventive. Well, it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Take the most inventive and exciting new music you could possibly imagine – and let’s call that a six-hour blowjob from a plethora of young Czech girls. At the other end is this wad of sound  – a rushed, uneven tug from your mate’s grandmother on the top deck of the number 6 bus. In the rain. Bizarre Contact vs Dooper Doopler’s System Overload sounds like it was made in about half an hour, with every generic trick in the book deployed as though the software was set to “demo” (which for all I know, it was.) Freaked Frequency’s SKY x flows nicely enough, but it’s nothing to get excited about, so let’s not.  Gataka & Gilix’s Take It Easy is a vacuous dullard of a track, built entirely of worn out riffs and hardhouse peaks. Listening to this literally makes your trousers get baggier, and more UV-reactive. Likewise Sesto Sento’s Spank To Thor, which Gataka remixes, is a lesson in building boredom around a shocking central idea of a slightly wobbly bassline. Seriously, these guys are capable of way more than this. Xerox & Illumination vs Chakra’s 7 Days gets a Live mix here, and okay let’s concede that it’s pretty good. It was caned all summer, and it’s easy to see why: catchy sample, great big run at the end, good layering – but it’s still miles off what X&I were doing with their last album. I enjoyed Vibe Tribe’s Spun. Well, I say enjoyed. What I really did was burst into tears, ripping my classic Matsuri tshirt to shreds while shaking my fist at God above, screaming WHY GOD, WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS SACRED. At the sub-Perfecto-circa-1995 breakdown I shoved both hands up my backside to take some of the pain away, then I had a sales call about switching my telecom provider and things started, finally, to look up. Karmachanic’s Space Time is pretty much this album’s only saving grace (fluid and dreamy, with nice chords, ballsy production and some interesting twists) but nobody in their right mind is going to buy a CD just for one track. Intergalactic’s Fairies Rain is okay the first time, then halfway through it loses it, then you realise it’s just like anything else Intergalactic ever released, then you phone the Samaritans. And finally Ultra Voice’s Dark Side is a joyously predictable number, whose “dance with me, dance with me” samples makes me glad that I like psychedelictrance and not this bollockless pap. I am almost beyond words. In a week where the Nystagamus and Voice Of Cod albums are reviewed, this CD just makes me laugh. And then cry. Everything that’s wrong with the current fullon scene is exemplified by this release. Stop encouraging them – vote with your wallet.